Comments on: The Dilemma of Divorce http://www.frantonios.org.au/2009/07/08/the-dilemma-of-divorce/ Just another WordPress weblog Fri, 03 Sep 2010 15:49:35 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: Romani sergyos http://www.frantonios.org.au/2009/07/08/the-dilemma-of-divorce/comment-page-1/#comment-336 Romani sergyos Mon, 20 Jul 2009 05:51:00 +0000 http://www.stbishoy.org.au/modules/wordpress/?p=99#comment-336 Dear Father , Nat and all ....well said Nat ....i believe if not something soon would be done and implemented by our church in a lot of issues of concern it would be a lot of more irreversible disasters in our Australian Coptic Community for more years to come ..........i believe ,like a lot of other honest people in our community that a lot of our crisis problems in our community are preventable if our church start to adopt those programs of education of the whole community from the bishop , priests and all levels of our church congregation and hence a uniform mechanism of approach to be adopted and implemented by our church in prevention and early interventions ........for the first time in this part of the world and within my thirty years around i came across a course ran by a bunch of our boys and girls , well mannered , well knowledge d and well educated ...they know our Australian way of life and our system , they know our culture , they our orthodox belief and they are well educated in the field of counseling ,psychology , clinical psychology and psychiatry ....they volunteered in conjunction with our theological college to facilitate and guide us and equip us with tools and christian life skills in team work , problem solving , conflict resolution , communication ,and you name it ....they covered christian counseling , domestic violence , grief , crisis , suicide ,parenting ,drug and alcohol ,depression ,theories of counseling , couple therapy , Egan counseling , secular verses christian counseling etc. the good thing that a lot of young Sunday school servants attended, few old ignorant people in this field like me and a couple of our priests ...our lecturer in christian counseling lecture was one of our qualified priests in the relevant field , he was great ...the others were great too ... the bottom line that we as a community we need to work in prevention and early intervention to minimize those crisis in our community ... the general statistics and figures and specifically in our community are scary !!!?????....we need real spiritual leadership approach by our church ,all our clergy and servants to involve and prevent ....our lord Jesus is our great councilor...he set the great example for us in this area of concern ...may the holy spirit guide us all to love our God from all our heart and soul and to love our neighbor as thyself ,amen .... Dear Father , Nat and all ….well said Nat ….i believe if not something soon would be done and implemented by our church in a lot of issues of concern it would be a lot of more irreversible disasters in our Australian Coptic Community for more years to come ……….i believe ,like a lot of other honest people in our community that a lot of our crisis problems in our community are preventable if our church start to adopt those programs of education of the whole community from the bishop , priests and all levels of our church congregation and hence a uniform mechanism of approach to be adopted and implemented by our church in prevention and early interventions ……..for the first time in this part of the world and within my thirty years around i came across a course ran by a bunch of our boys and girls , well mannered , well knowledge d and well educated …they know our Australian way of life and our system , they know our culture , they our orthodox belief and they are well educated in the field of counseling ,psychology , clinical psychology and psychiatry ….they volunteered in conjunction with our theological college to facilitate and guide us and equip us with tools and christian life skills in team work , problem solving , conflict resolution , communication ,and you name it ….they covered christian counseling , domestic violence , grief , crisis , suicide ,parenting ,drug and alcohol ,depression ,theories of counseling , couple therapy , Egan counseling , secular verses christian counseling etc. the good thing that a lot of young Sunday school servants attended, few old ignorant people in this field like me and a couple of our priests …our lecturer in christian counseling lecture was one of our qualified priests in the relevant field , he was great …the others were great too … the bottom line that we as a community we need to work in prevention and early intervention to minimize those crisis in our community … the general statistics and figures and specifically in our community are scary !!!?????….we need real spiritual leadership approach by our church ,all our clergy and servants to involve and prevent ….our lord Jesus is our great councilor…he set the great example for us in this area of concern …may the holy spirit guide us all to love our God from all our heart and soul and to love our neighbor as thyself ,amen ….

]]> By: Nate http://www.frantonios.org.au/2009/07/08/the-dilemma-of-divorce/comment-page-1/#comment-335 Nate Fri, 17 Jul 2009 07:59:25 +0000 http://www.stbishoy.org.au/modules/wordpress/?p=99#comment-335 'children of divorce have a higher rate of divorce themselves in later life' then doesnt it also follow that children who remain in an unhappy marriage will also end up in unhappy, unfulfilling marriages? yes it is true that 'kids need both their parents'and yes it is true that it would be better for parents to work out their problems...if only for the sake of the children..however, how can it be said that it is healthier for a child to remain in a home which is constantly unstable, and in which there is fighting, or other conflicts?... i am no psychiatrist, but being in a constantly unstable home, could most surely cause a child emotional, mental and relationship problems in later life... Children, as has been said, need above all to feel secure and safe...an unstable home does not provide that!! ask any child in Sunday School how they feel when their parents fight, then imagine if this feeling became a never ending one, in a constantly unstable, conflicting home...surely in later life this child could develop mental and emotional problems and not be able to sustain a healthy relationship... i am not speaking as one with experience as having grown up as a child of divorce, but i grew up half my life in a single parent home, having lost one parent to illness...not once did i ever feel deprived of nuture, neither was my subsequent home an unstable one..the feeling of a crumbled family unit is a completely different thing...one which although devastating for a child, from my experience, has little mental impact... the problem is, in our community, divorce is completely taboo...an unhappy couple are pushed to always stay together, not being given a church sanctioned divorce... however, if the couple are unable to solve their problems, this then will cause one of two problems..either they seek a civil divorce, subsequently being then cut off from the church..or they stay together, creating an unstable, unhappy, un-nurturing environment for their children, where if we are not careful, then in later years we will have many emotionally unstable children... that's my cynical view of the world anyway.. ‘children of divorce have a higher rate of divorce themselves in later life’

then doesnt it also follow that children who remain in an unhappy marriage will also end up in unhappy, unfulfilling marriages?

yes it is true that ‘kids need both their parents’and yes it is true that it would be better for parents to work out their problems…if only for the sake of the children..however, how can it be said that it is healthier for a child to remain in a home which is constantly unstable, and in which there is fighting, or other conflicts?…

i am no psychiatrist, but being in a constantly unstable home, could most surely cause a child emotional, mental and relationship problems in later life…

Children, as has been said, need above all to feel secure and safe…an unstable home does not provide that!!

ask any child in Sunday School how they feel when their parents fight, then imagine if this feeling became a never ending one, in a constantly unstable, conflicting home…surely in later life this child could develop mental and emotional problems and not be able to sustain a healthy relationship…

i am not speaking as one with experience as having grown up as a child of divorce, but i grew up half my life in a single parent home, having lost one parent to illness…not once did i ever feel deprived of nuture, neither was my subsequent home an unstable one..the feeling of a crumbled family unit is a completely different thing…one which although devastating for a child, from my experience, has little mental impact…

the problem is, in our community, divorce is completely taboo…an unhappy couple are pushed to always stay together, not being given a church sanctioned divorce…
however, if the couple are unable to solve their problems, this then will cause one of two problems..either they seek a civil divorce, subsequently being then cut off from the church..or they stay together, creating an unstable, unhappy, un-nurturing environment for their children, where if we are not careful, then in later years we will have many emotionally unstable children…

that’s my cynical view of the world anyway..

]]> By: tony http://www.frantonios.org.au/2009/07/08/the-dilemma-of-divorce/comment-page-1/#comment-334 tony Mon, 13 Jul 2009 06:25:48 +0000 http://www.stbishoy.org.au/modules/wordpress/?p=99#comment-334 Abouna, I have found in my experience, that there are many people who get a divorce after the children graduate/move out of home etc. There seems to me that after the kids move out, perhaps because the kids do not really involve the parents in their lives, parents seem to have increased instability in their relationship, or "find out that they were only in the relationship for the kids"- so they say. Most divorced people I have seen are in this category. I wonder what your thoughts are- for the Christian and for the secular? PPFM Abouna,

I have found in my experience, that there are many people who get a divorce after the children graduate/move out of home etc.

There seems to me that after the kids move out, perhaps because the kids do not really involve the parents in their lives, parents seem to have increased instability in their relationship, or “find out that they were only in the relationship for the kids”- so they say. Most divorced people I have seen are in this category.

I wonder what your thoughts are- for the Christian and for the secular?

PPFM

]]> By: Romani sergyos http://www.frantonios.org.au/2009/07/08/the-dilemma-of-divorce/comment-page-1/#comment-333 Romani sergyos Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:30:25 +0000 http://www.stbishoy.org.au/modules/wordpress/?p=99#comment-333 Always there is an old saying "Happy wife means happy house "....the big problem these days people know and stick to their own rights good and they want to know nothing about their obligations and needs towards one another ....anyhow the rates of domestic violence , separation and divorce are too high in our Coptic community !!??more higher is the rate of separations and both couples most of the time left hanging in limbo and most of the time they join other churches and get remarried .. ???!! why not our church do the extra mile and do some work in prevention by developing some compulsory pre- marriage counseling ???!! why not to have an early intervention in such issues of concern by a certain uniform mechanism like the other churches ??!! currently a lot of families and children usually become at the end of the day victims of such different types of abuse and you can name it ???!! children stay or not stay in an unhappy family makes no difference as the result i believe is the same at the end of the day ....i believe it is time that our church in this part of the world to do something positive in this area of great concern ....we have got a lot of qualified people born and grew up and educated in the relevant area and i believe they would be very happy to facilitate ....may God guide us to praise his name all the time .... Always there is an old saying “Happy wife means happy house “….the big problem these days people know and stick to their own rights good and they want to know nothing about their obligations and needs towards one another ….anyhow the rates of domestic violence , separation and divorce are too high in our Coptic community !!??more higher is the rate of separations and both couples most of the time left hanging in limbo and most of the time they join other churches and get remarried .. ???!! why not our church do the extra mile and do some work in prevention by developing some compulsory pre- marriage counseling ???!! why not to have an early intervention in such issues of concern by a certain uniform mechanism like the other churches ??!! currently a lot of families and children usually become at the end of the day victims of such different types of abuse and you can name it ???!! children stay or not stay in an unhappy family makes no difference as the result i believe is the same at the end of the day ….i believe it is time that our church in this part of the world to do something positive in this area of great concern ….we have got a lot of qualified people born and grew up and educated in the relevant area and i believe they would be very happy to facilitate ….may God guide us to praise his name all the time ….

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